Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Find it Hard to Say

Today is a miserable day in PA, there is misty wet rain and lots of wind. I'm anticipation of graduating I attended a job fair. Honestly, it was a bit terrifying. I prepared my resume, dressed appropriately and my husband sent me reassuring text messages. However, when I arrived I felt nervous and anxious. I waited in a lime green leather chair watching all the people file into Sykes Ballroom before summing courage to enter. One of my biggest fears is that I will be managed or interviewed by someone younger than me and more qualified. Can I say this will feel humbling? Finally, I swallowed the giant lump of pride in my throat and approached the sign-in table. A nice older gentleman handed me a orange folder with a list of employers, asked me to put on a name tag and wished me luck! Before I handed out a few resumes, I took a deep breath and surveyed the room. There were companies I recognized, ones I had no interest in and most I was barely qualified to speak with. In the end I handed out only two resumes. At first I left feeling like a failure, due to the little connection I felt to the event, but after a few hours of reflection I realized this was an exercise. This event was only one of many uncomfortable places that will be part of my future in search of a job. A big part of me wants to just say "oh well, I don't really need to search for a job, one will come to me and in the mean time I will just waitress....." Bad attitude, the number one reason I decided to torture myself and finally get my degree was to GET OUT of the relentless and unforgiving restaurant business. So, with a small event behind me I am more determined to find a job. This might be a long process but I plan to enjoy the journey in order to find something I love.

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